If there's anything that people epitomize in today's world... it's true love... yet in the real world of relationships, nothing can be further from the truth.

There comes a time when one becomes disillusioned with this concept, and decides to remain single. It's a tough choice to make because with it comes a sense of loneliness with the assumption that everyone else is having fun! But in the end, you learn independence that is so valuable and can get you through any situation in life.

Until the year 2007, I've been in one relationship after another. None with any success whatsoever. Some of them I took seriously... and some I didn't because there was no constructive expectations set in the first place. At a certain point, I noticed that relationships were really causing so much stress in my life that I just had to stop and take some time off. It might be odd for a guy to say this... but I felt that it was 'insane' doing the same thing over and over again!

I've been single for almost 2 years now... and the last woman I went out on a date with was about a year and a half ago. One time and it was over.

And it was the same story yet again. This woman  really needed to move on after a torrid affair that had hit her hard, and it wasn't very different from the fare that I dealt with earlier in my life either. In relationship terminology, it's also called 'baggage'. And if you want to have a good relationship, this stuff can seriously get in the way. So I opted out.

And I wondered if it was just me?

But oddly enough, it wasn't at all that way! Current social trends indicate that you move on immediately hoping that things will get better. And so people do just that. But is it really all that simple?

If you look back in your life, you'll see a string of relationships that never worked because you behaved the 'same way' in each of those relationships. For example, being too demanding or too needy or even too aloof. Pick your adjective. So what I decided to do was focus solely on what I have to do with my life, rather than pursuing love that would end up with the same results as before. And it was a wise choice...

A serious relationship is like an investment... an investment of time, energy and money leading to a bond that perhaps can be maintained perhaps for life (not unless you're in it just for the fun of it) ... if it adds value to your life that's great but if it's a deterrent to who you are...you're better off doing something else instead, no matter how miserable you feel. It's like settling for second best!

If that sounds a bit practical, that's how you look at it after you turn 30, I guess... with a sense of duty to yourself! And I turned that corner about a few months ago...

Here's something else I understood: Life's very simple... if you don't have anything in common with the person... however strong the bond of passion is... it just doesn't last! And sometimes you'll intuitively know this right from the outset... yet choose to ignore it... and wonder why you did!

Another factor is the ability to "agree to disagree"... yet another quality which leaves a lot to be desired in today's relationships.

On the brighter side though, platonic love is true companionship and sadly, highly underrated in society... people should try it more often. I say this because during these times, I've met some really nice women too who have turned out to be my 'pillars' in life. Real friends! As some would call them... 2 AM friends!

To me, true love is unconditional... and that's never going to be possible in a serious relationship, not unless its foundation is based on a strong friendship! Well, the culprit here are the spoken (and unspoken) expectations when one finds themselves in a relationship. Well, broken relationships are primarily due to the other not meeting up to your expectation in one way or another.

Friendship, on the other hand, is different... the level of expectations are much lower, there's an abundance of space and plenty of fun in being together as well as in a conversation... and this to me, is the key to 'getting along'!

Another interesting aspect of a friendship is that you come together because you share a lot in common... hence everything becomes so much easier... you'll understand each other better...and so a committed relationship won't be too difficult to manage either!

And based on this fact, I found that the success of  a relationship rests solely on how good a friend they can be to each other. It's only then that you have some chance of making it work in the real world! Not unless you prefer the wild rush of a passionate affair... well, whatever makes you happy!

I'm no dating guru nor do I intend to imply that this is the "only" way a relationship will work out... but in my observation, can be the "path of least resistance" in building a strong relationship! And sometimes, it counts for a lot...

So, what do you think about friendship before taking it to the next level?

Raw Egg of a bird I don't recall... this was in the Phillipines when I went on work... it was called the "Balut Challenge"... it was fun!

Dan 

I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

It's almost a year since I've dropped in to check my Xanga blog.

Quite a while. Since then, I've worked for almost six organizations, set up some work from home, started an astrology course with Nadiya Shah... and am looking to start a creative writing course at the London School of Journalism.

I've grown a year older... but it seems like nothing much has happened since then.

I'm still clueless where I need to go career-wise... and the stress with people at work never seems to end!

I liked this blog because it allowed me to post songs that I liked a lot.


This is one of my favorite songs - Inner Sanctum!

Anyways, I hope that things get better along the way... now that Saturn almost completes its journey in Virgo in October 2009. Hopefully the times will get better after that...

   

I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too!

last week...

"Edward Scissorhands" clipped my hair in an amoeba-like design particularly designed to suit my needs for the Indian 'summer'... hence, giving new meaning to the word 'follicularly challenged'...

photograf... RIGHT!!! ;)

Cheers,
Dan